(Open with silence for 30 seconds while at the podium)
So only 30 seconds have gone by since I’ve been standing
here. How long did it seem? What was going through your mind? Something like,
“Come on Aaron, let’s get it going”? I can imagine Brother Steffan thinking,
“Ok, so maybe there is a reason that Aaron hasn’t given a talk in 5 ½ years”.
So now that your patience has been tested, I want to share two stories about
patience. I invite you to ponder on what role patience played in each story.
The first story comes off of NASA’s website. Many of you
will probably recognize it, as it took place not too far from here:
“One very cold and windy morning on a North Carolina
beach, a lonely group of men huddled on the sand near their pride and joy: a
kitelike contraption, built of cloth and wood and outfitted with bicycle parts.
On the count of three, with the motor turning and heavy wind gusting, one man
started to run alongside and guide the craft; in an instant, the pilot lying on
the wing steered the craft to flight a few feet above the ground. The aircraft
wobbled forward in the air for no more than 12 seconds, and settled
triumphantly back to the ground. To an outsider, it would seem like a modest
achievement. But it was the first time in history that an aircraft propelled by
a motor and controlled by a pilot had left the ground. It was a moment that
Wilbur and Orville Wright had labored to achieve for nearly 5 years.
On December 17, 2013, the world celebrated the 110th
anniversary of the first flight of the Wright Flyer. Before 1903, some people
had flown gliders without engines; some had piloted lighter-than-air craft like
hot-air balloons. Now a pilot would have the power to fly an aircraft at will,
over long distances. No one could know in 1903 how that power would change the
world.
Today we are so used to seeing jets in the sky, we forget
that people were not always able to fly like birds. Some early aviators thought
that building wings like those of birds would be enough to accomplish flight.
The Wright Brothers, on the other hand, knew that flying would not be so
simple. They were willing to think and work—and scratch their heads in
perplexity—and think and work again for years to accomplish that first flight:
Orville Wright recorded of that day,
‘… I would hardly think today of making my first flight
on a strange machine in a 27-mile wind . . .
I look with amazement upon our audacity in attempting
flights with a new and untried machine under such circumstances. Yet faith in
our calculations and the design of the first machine, based upon our tables of
air pressures, secured by months of careful laboratory work, and confidence in
our system of control … had convinced us that the machine was capable of
lifting and maintaining itself in the air . . .”
—Orville Wright, from “How We Made the First Flight’”
So what does the story of the Wright Brothers teach us about
patience? I believe they taught that patience means more than just sitting and
waiting calmly, it means doing what needs to be done and then avoiding
unrealistic expectations. Many others during that time demonstrated impatience
in their rush to be the first to fly, in many cases ultimately leading to their
death. And do you think, the Wright Brothers expected that first flight to be
around the world? Was 12 seconds of flight, a mere few feet above the ground
reason enough to celebrate their years of being patient? Of course it was!
So how important is it to develop patience? Elder Robert
C. Oaks of the Presidency of the Seventy said in the October 2006 General
Conference:
Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue,
contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness,
tolerance, and faith. When Peter asked Christ how many times he should forgive
his brother, Christ replied, “Seventy times seven,” rather than the mere seven
times that Peter had offered (see Matthew 18:21–22). To forgive seventy times seven
certainly takes a large measure of patience.
I really love that quote. Calling patience the “gateway
virtue” really stresses the importance of it. And if we think about it for a
minute, how can we develop the virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and faith
without first developing patience?
Elder Oaks also taught:
The Book of Mormon provides insight
into the relationship between patience and charity. Mormon, after pointing out
that if a man “have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have
charity,” goes on to name the 13 elements of charity, or the pure love of
Christ. I find it most interesting that 4 of the 13 elements of this must-have
virtue relate to patience (see Moroni 7:44–45).
First, “charity suffereth long.” That is what patience is all
about. Charity “is not easily provoked” is another aspect of this quality, as
is charity “beareth all things.” And finally, charity “endureth all things” is
certainly an expression of patience (Moroni 7:45).
From these defining elements it is evident that without patience gracing our
soul, we would be seriously lacking with respect to a Christlike character.
But I’m guessing that if I asked by a raise of hands who
has mastered patience, I would see few if any hands. My hand surely wouldn’t go
up.
I assume that we all would love it if God, our partner,
family member, coworkers would all have more patience with us. So why is it so
hard to be patient with others? This is the big question. Because if we knew
why it was so hard, we could just fix that one thing, and boom, we’d be
patient.
The second story I’d like to share is how I discovered
what that one thing was for me. It was almost exactly a year ago. I had the
opportunity to have breakfast with Dr. Robert Weinberg, a professor from MIT. He’s kind of a big deal in the Biological
Science world. And just to illustrate, he was awarded the national medal of
science bestowed by the President of the U.S., the same year James Watson was
(you know of Watson and Crick, the discoverers of the structure of DNA). So
there I was with some fellow graduate students trying to make a good
impression. We had just heard his talk on his research the day before and now
had the opportunity to personally ask any remaining questions. I worked hard in
my mind to think of a really good probing question. Towards the end of
breakfast, I finally had thought of one. So I worked up enough confidence and
asked it. His answer, “Well that was basically my entire talk yesterday, were
you there?” And there went my confidence. I left feeling this big.
Now, you may be wondering what that story had to do with
patience. Well, it was what happened immediately following this experience that
led me to discover the one thing that was impeding my development of patience.
As I walked back to my laboratory, my mind starting
replaying the whole experience from breakfast. And then I started berating
myself. “Gah, I’m such an idiot. Why’d I ask such a dumb question? Now
everybody knows how stupid I really am. How am I even in graduate school? I’m
not good enough to be here…and so on”. It took me a while but I finally
realized how awful I was being to myself. I soon realized that I was doing the
same thing in almost every aspect of my life. From how bad I was as a husband
and father to even how bad I was on the softball field. I was completely
impatient with any imperfection in me. I realized that I was expecting myself
to be perfect every time at everything, even if it was my first time doing
something. I had completely unrealistic expectations for myself. I did not have
the patience to forgive myself one time, let alone seventy times seven.
It was around this time that I was introduced to
mindfulness, which is the act of paying attention on purpose to the present
moment in a nonjudgmental way. Practicing mindfulness helped me to realize that
if I couldn’t be patient with myself how could I be patient with others? And THAT
was it, the one thing that had been damming my development of patience. As soon
as I started being more patient and forgiving of myself, I started being more
patient and forgiving of everyone around me. And I will be the first to admit,
that I’m far from finished in my development of patience but I can say that it
has increased tremendously from where it was, all because I began to be more
patient with myself.
Another way we can become more patient is by identifying
people who are ultimate examples of patience and try to emulate them. For me some of the greatest examples of patience come
from my kids. President Barbara Thompson, of the Relief Society General Presidency
taught in October of 2007:
Children are generally very accepting of their parents and the
mistakes parents make. They often forgive, forget, and move on much more
quickly than adults do. (But) Don’t feel guilty. (Just) Apologize when you have
made a mistake. Seek the child’s forgiveness. Change your ways and move on.
Remember that it takes a lot of patience to raise a child.
As precious as they are, children can be exasperating, frustrating, and
sometimes even naughty. It takes a tremendous amount of patience and
restraint in order to avoid doing or saying things we will later regret.
Sometimes parents need to put themselves in “time-out” in order to avoid making
serious mistakes. Removing yourself from the room for a minute in order to
regain control is often very helpful.
I’m sure no one here can relate to that. For me, if there
was ever a test on patience, it is potty training. Kai, Angela and I are
currently in that phase. And Kai, by far, has demonstrated that he is the most
patient one when it comes to potty training. And so I can learn from him. When
he pees on the carpet, like yesterday, I can take a moment to breathe and just
say to myself, it’s just carpet and then proceed to clean it for the seventieth
times seventh time.
In closing, to me one of the greatest exemplars of
patience is Christ. I was told Brother Reilly will be talking about how Christ demonstrated
patience so I look forward to hearing his remarks.
References:
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