Aerial 2

Love love loves this. I will miss it after our last class session this weekend! I hope to start up again post-bt2.

Hanging Out

My new love - Aerial Dance in Chapel Hill! I'm in a 6 week course, which has been fun and challenging. Climbing the silk is quite a cardio workout, and the hanging feels AH-mazing on the spine and chest. I would love to keep it up past the course, but I think I'll need to wait until post-baby to do the intermediate sessions. (P.S. Can you see the bump yet?)

Spare the Meat!

One of my favorite blogs: http://www.wordofwisdomliving.com/home/meat-sparingly.html

"For our use, we aim to get two-thirds of our protein from plants and just one-third from animal sources...This is equivalent to three servings of meat (excluding two servings of fish) weekly, though we spread it around. Research reported in The China Study suggests this is a healthy level—Americans are reported to eat four times this amount."

We all know American eat way too much meat. (So do Brazilians, accordingly to Aaron.) Direct benefits from cutting down your meat intake to a recommended amount - more $$$; less risk of heart disease, stroke, and cancer; decrease environment pollution; and decrease demand which creates less pressure on meat industry to use unethical and unsustainable practices. Don't misunderstand - I love meat and fish, but also try to make it is a special part of our cooking (compared to a go-to). Our home cooks meat apprx. 1-2/week and fish once a week. We do something vegetarian for our breakfast and other dinners. Lunch is always a toss up based on what we have at home or what we buy at work. Usually no more than two servings of dairy per day. We are moving into local meats, fish, and produce slowly - one of our big health goals for this year. (Just watch Food, Inc. - it'll rock your world.) Not perfect, but always striving to do better.

What are your goals for improving nutrition?

Evolution

My last post was pretty heavy, at least in my estimation. I think I started this blog in the attempt to track Baby T (now Kai!) 's progress. I've been off of blogging for a few months since we were without internet, and I had to prioritize my work-time. As I'm coming back to itstowertime slowly, I feel the need to talk a little about some of my experiences since this summer. So, the blog evolves....so, our lives evolve.

I've come to lots of realizations in the last 6 months. The realizations came from a 3-week yoga and meditation intensive, weaning Kai off the breast, connecting with many new beautiful souls, starting to write creatively again, a high school reunion, time alone to ponder, and some great spiritual experiences mixed in all of it. And they've changed my life.

Realization #1 - I was unhappy. This was hard to swallow. Looking back on my transition and experiences becoming a mother, I might have had minor postpartum depression, what I thought was baby blues. Definitions say baby blues lasts only 2 weeks, but my feelings of desperation, unsteadiness, and frustration lasted around 6 months. This was on top of a job that I really dislike and is not helping others in the ways I want. Also on top of me trying to be something I'm not within my faith construct (see last post). More explanation - I felt as though I was stuck in a culture of silence. Silence if one dissents or is different.... because if one dissents or is different, one doesn't belong. A culture where I worried more about how modest I looked than if my heart was truly converting to the Lord a little more each day. It was easy to get caught up in the process of trying to measure righteousness, in myself and in others. Or measuring myself by some assumed standard of motherhood. It was low place in my spiritual journey.

Realization #2 - I had lost parts of myself over the last few years. Grad school sucked most of the fun/carefree-ness out of me. Then my job sucked my passion. Then the early part of motherhood sucked away my autonomy. Then some part of my faith culture sucked away my independent spirit. During all of this, I didn't really see it. I had to face this to starting finding what I lost.

Realization #3 - (these will get better, I promise!) I need movement and time to ponder. My yoga practice and my yoga intensive changed my life in SO many wonderful ways. I felt like little pieces of my soul came back...I could express myself, I could move freely, I was taking care of my body again, I was meditating as I moved, I reached deep down many of those days. I cried, I had spiritual thoughts. I felt that I had another purpose for surviving the wreck 8 years ago - I was not broken so I could help others experience THIS. Finding themselves and knowing the power within their heart. I was so grateful for life. I was so grateful to those who inspired me to pursue my passions. I let go of anger, and I let go of ill will in many places.

Realization #4 - It takes a village. I've received so much support throughout my life. As a mother, the amount, variance, and immediacy of support I needed were greater. I found out it was ok to get help. I went crazy when I didn't have it. And being a recipient of that love has made me want to keep that love going.

Realization #5 - Each person's faith journey is unique and beautiful. I found a greater appreciation for this journey towards God (or supreme reality, or love, or oneness - however one frames it) we are on. We are all unique, so how could we expect anyone's experiences to be the same? I let go of some of my self-expectations and tried to find more joy in the journey. I let go of my checklists and worked on serving more, listening more, and studying with a renewed, honest, and raw hunger.

Realization #7 - I love Mormons, and I find strength in actions that help bind ALL of us together and with the larger communities we live in. I was searching for quite awhile this past year, searching for someone, ANYONE who felt like I did as a Mormon female with some unorthodox views, questions, and conflicts. And I found them!!! YES! By following my heart's promptings, I found a few beautiful, fearless, bold Mormon communities on-line that love, question, and make all feel welcome. One that has changed my life - Mormon Stories (again, I'll devote a post to just this) - has inspired me time and time again. It's message is inclusive and values ALL Mormons perspectives (be they from believing, participating members or from ex-Mormons with their complicated and soulful stories). Through these explorations and heart-opening people, I feel so much more at peace and with a renewed love from Mormonism. A hope burns for what we can all be.

Realization #8 -I've been prepared. This means a lot of things....prepared by my loving mother and father, prepared by the Lord to serve, prepared by my trials, prepared during my education, prepared in my callings at church,...as I grow older, the more I realize everything blends together in this rich life story. The life story helps me to find purpose, talents, and the relationships in so many endeavours. Pretty freakin cool.

Realization #9 - I am not as fearful as I used to be. Causes: motherhood - 50%, teaching yoga - 50%. I am ready to meet new challenges - nothing will surprise you after being a mother! As I ask my students to constantly move out of their comfort zone to experience something transformational, I am reminded I need to do this too. I might even play team sports one day!

Realization #10 - Breaking the silence is a good thing. Silence breeds more silence. Fear breeds more fear. Unhappiness is a spiral. So, break out of it! This is still something I am striving to do. But I keep reminding myself - speak when it matters, speak when it will bring more love into the situation, speak when it is right. Don't be afraid to move forward and be transformed. Your truth is yours. God knows me and knows my heart, but sometimes others should know pieces of it too.

Phew, that was another energy zapper! I'm impressed if you made it this far. Thanks :)

Om Shanti

Kai and me in exalted warrior pose

Today, I reached my target post-baby weight! This is huge. I never knew it would be so hard to lose weight. Nearly ten months of off-and-on dieting, running, yoga, zumba, weight lifting, and resistance training put me here (more than I was doing before I was pregnant). I no longer wonder why folks lose motivation while trying to lose weight. IT IS SO HARD! New mommies pack on maternal fat stores, which are perfectly healthy and normal, in order to create fat needed for breastmilk (in cow's milk terms, think heavy cream). The baby gains weight and nutrients from this. Some lucky LUCKY ladies lose all their pregnancy weight just by breastfeeding. Some don't. I am one of the latter - I stayed exactly the same until I started moving and dieting. Today, I'm proud of myself and happy that I lost weight in a healthy and sustainable way.

In related news, I'm participating in a 3-week total yoga immersion in Carrboro next month. I'm stoked! I've been wanting to do an immersion for a few years, but never had time nor money to do it. After months of researching trainings, I decided to take one with Stephanie Keach, founder of the Asheville Yoga Center. I took a couple of classes at her studio (one of those with her) and adored them. I have heard her called the mama bear of yoga in the south. :) The training will teach me a ton about yoga, mostly focusing on Vinyasa Flow style, but also delving into Kundalini and Iyengar. I'll be set up to teach and adjust others, with a 200-hour level certification and the letters RYT behind my name. Wow! I'm a little nervous since I've been nursing a few injuries this year, but I am mentally prepared (or so I think). It'll be intense - 8 hrs in the studio M-Sat, with reading, writing, and home practice at night. Thank goodness for my awesome parents' help during this time!

The immersion really motivated me to get healthy again these past 10 months. It also brought me back to self-care and self-love. After Kai came into our lives, he was the center of all my thoughts and time. Slowly, I have learned how to take time for myself and still feel that I am giving him all the love and time he needs too. I belive realizing this life-goal will help me continue to strike that balance.

I've been practicing yoga for 10 years now, originally an student of Bikram Hot Yoga, later moving into Power Flow Yoga, now a little of everything. It strikes me the same way that dance used to: self-actualization, moving into beautiful shapes, imagery of the mind being played out by the body, healing hurts, having fun. It has a lovely spiritual aspect too - truly as heavy as you'd like. As most of you know, yoga involves feeling at one with/honoring those people and things around you and being at peace with yourself.

I'll keep you posted on the outcomes. Until then - Om Shanti, meaning a prayer for peace.

So you think you can dance?

image from here

Well, I did. Then I started a fast-paced high-intensity Zumba class on Wednesday nights at Ninth Street for the last 10 weeks.

I sauntered into the first class thinking I would do well, with a dance background (albeit from high school and college - EONS AGO). Then, the first song started and everyone started dancing! No instruction, no slowing down, no counting the steps out. These were GOOD dancers, the teacher was a GREAT dancer, and most of the students were REPEATS to her class. Everyone knew all the moves already. Yikes! Quite the learning curve.

But, I loved it. I loved the challenge, and I love the sensuality of latin dance. It provides much-needed balance to my mundance desk job and totally unsexy life of mommy. Last week, after 9 weeks, I FINALLY felt like I was getting it. I can sway my hips correctly, pop and lock, put in a little flair. Oh, how I missed dancing!!!!!!

After that satisfying realization, I think I got owned by a Samba song. You see, the Samba still gets me everytime. I just can't do it fast; Brazilian carnaval queen I will never be. Sigh.

You grow, I grow

As we watch Baby T grow bigger each day, Aaron has also been growing a garden in our tiny backyard. It's been a May-July project, and something we would like little T to participate in one day. I helped with the planning, but Aaron has put in the sweat, labor, sunburns, and frustrations. But, oh, when he has a squash or cucumber to show for it, he is so proud! The roster includes tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, bell peppers, hablano peppers, and lots of herbs.

Our Square-foot Garden













We followed the square-foot gardening technique in the back, hung some flowers and a birdfeeder, and bought a small table/chair set from World Market. It's a perfect spot for breakfast. The arbor was a wedding gift from our dear friends Caroline and Joe; Joe built it as a backdrop for our nuptuals.

Arbor and Table/Chair Set - Yippee!












Hanging Plants and Birdfeeder













In the front, we planted some perennial and annual flowers, both in pots and in the ground. One flower plant bit the dust after an unfornate run-in with the window-washing staff at our complex, and another just never flourished (we think it was our poor choice of soil for that pot). We are learning some lessons for the next plantings. :)

Four Perennials in the front bed (not super-impressive - dead one is 3rd down)












Annuals in Pot on Front Steps (peeps love the red!)












Another pot on the front steps (FAIL)


Great job to Aaron, the Towers Green Thumb!

Now I can say we are "multiplying and replenishing the earth" :D

Trimestre Tres! (+ travels)

We have entered into the final stages of pregnancy. Baby T is packing. People seem to be getting much more concerned about my "condition" lately - how I am feeling, how much I am sleeping, the weight of items I am lifting, and on and on. I feel great. I put in my "last" earnest run mid-week last week (yippee!). I had been hoping to run all through the second trimester and I accomplished it! At the end, it was getting little cumbersome and running was starting to cause slight round ligament pain (ligments that support the uterus), so I've decided to switch to long hilly walks and pool time for these last 3 months. I'm changing focus from aerobics to letting my body relax and get ready for birth. Yoga is always a must, although I'm now starting the transition to prenatal videos/classes.

This time is super-exciting, albeit pretty busy with decision-making (registering, buying baby things, childbirth classes, birth plan). Aar and I have been ingesting lots of birth stories and trying to prepare for a worst-case scenario/hope for a best-case. He really wants a doula with us, since he feels a bit nervous about being the sole coach. (Let me know if you have any recs.) Last, "nesting" is also taking place. I went out of town last week and felt very compelled to write down a detailed list of all foods we had in the house, all items Aaron needed to finish that weekend, and all the extra tips he could possibly need while I was gone. I've been eating up craft tutorials/making plans to start them. Sounds accurate, right?

And some pics for updating:

Anna and Garrett's Wedding - a beautiful bride in a perfect outdoors ceremony with brunch and small-town southern hospitality. We loved it!












Rob's Graduation for his Masters in History - Family gathering and amazing southern Cal weather. Can we move here for Aaron's post-doc?












Belly Pic, per many requests. (Week 27 and start of 3rd trimester) Behind the belly is idyllic Coronado Beach - ok, maybe here for Aaron's post-doc?

Peaceful Moments

There is just nothing like going on a long run and then plopping down somewhere outside to let your body absorb all the work it just did and your senses absorb all the scenery and smells. I find these moments to be some of the most peaceful and calming. My mind slows down. I can pray. I can be thankful.

My dear friend Paul taught me how to do this in college. We would run around Lake Johnson (near NCSU) and stop on the long walking bridge at the end of the run - standing there without talking, just looking out over the water for about 10 minutes. It was the reward. From that point on, I grew to love those 10 minutes after my runs. I can find sanctuary in most outdoor places.

As you might have guessed, I had the opportunity to do just this today. I have a little meditation spot right off UNC campus that I love running back to. Just the baby and me. Maybe the baby will learn to love running just because I've been running while pregnant (albeit slower and with breaks).

Do you have a peaceful place? What brings peace to your heart?

Word of Wisdom

I was assigned to give a talk at church today, to introduce the Word of Wisdom (revelation about refraining from harmful substances and eating healthy foods) to the congregation and share some of my thoughts about it. As I was reading and studying to prepare the content, I became more enthusiastic about the subject. I thought more about how I could relate it to my own experiences - seeing the issues many face by not following the counsel, my own transition as a convert, and the perspective I gain from my job. Here is the talk if you would like to read:

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"Neither the Church nor the world at large can hear too much about the Word of Wisdom. It is a doctrine given to man for man’s happiness and benefit. It is part of the philosophy of living… He who fails to live it robs himself of strength of body and strength of character to which he is entitled.” (Chapter 11 of Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay)

The Word of Wisdom, or section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, was revealed to the prophet Joseph Smith in February 1833. The month prior to the revelation, a School of Prophets was organized to train priesthood holders in how to best fulfill their callings and preach the gospel. When they met, many of them smoked pipes and chewed tobacco. This tobacco use bothered the prophet, and he inquired of Lord about it. In response to Joseph’s inquiry on the matter, the Lord revealed the Word of Wisdom.

The Word of Wisdom is a law of health which specifies foods that are good for us and substances which are not. It also lists the blessings promised to those who follow the counsel. In summary, the Word of Wisdom lists alcoholic drinks, tobacco, tea, and coffee as not good for man. Grains, vegetables, herbs, and fruits are all listed as good to eat. Meats are also to eat, but should be used sparingly. The revelation does not specifically mention illegal drugs or other addictive substances, but the basic principles outlined therein – to eat things that are healthy for the body and avoid those that are not – easily applies to such items.

The blessings predicated for those who following the counsel are “health in their navel and marrow to their bones; wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; [they shall] run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint; [lastly, the Lord promises] that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them." (Doctrine & Covenants 89:18–21)

Many members of the church, myself included, are faced with questions about the Word of Wisdom – especially the avoidance of harmful substances. I have found the best explanation for them and for myself is found in Doctrine & Covenants 29:34, “Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal”. In other words, Latter-Day Saints abstain from addictive, harmful substances and eat healthy foods in moderation because this benefits our bodies, provides us with precious agency, and helps invite spiritual companionship of the Holy Ghost. In addition, our care for our body is intrinsically linked to the care for our spirit. We should never be ashamed or embarrassed to explain why we make such choices.

Addiction is a powerful vice. Most or many of us face addictions, in many forms and to varying degrees. The addiction related to harmful substances is very powerful. I have seen it in my own family, among many friends, among patients, and among strangers. The portion of the Word of Wisdom addressing harmful, addictive substances in given for a purpose. Regular use of such things creates dependence and laziness of the body, and, in some cases, the thought that one is free from any consequences related to actions. “The Church urges men to have self-mastery to control their appetites, their tempers, and their speech. A man is not at his best when he is a slave to some habit. A man is not his best who lives merely to gratify his passions.” (Chapter 11 of Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: David O McKay) If we can master temptation to use such substances, we become stronger. This mastery can be used to conquer other temptations or addictions. We can better practice self-control.

As a convert of 2 years, I have not always followed the counsel in the Word of Wisdom. Thankfully, I grew up in a home with parents who showed and continue to show temperance, and I, myself, have never dealt with addiction to a harmful substance. I gave up alcohol first. Later, when I began studying the gospel in earnest, I gave up coffee and tea. I have never been a regular smoker. My eating habits did not change too much, although I began to spread out my meat consumption to begin using it more “sparingly”. When I gave these items up, everything/my world felt clearer. Almost like a slight veil was gone from the world. It was one less thing to worry about.

My transition was not too difficult. I have vices elsewhere, of course. But I know that the transition can be overwhelming for many who want to or are converting, or for members who are struggling with addiction. When studying the topic more, I found out that the revealed Word of Wisdom was not originally given as a commandment. Some of the Saints in 1833 had habits or addictions. The Lord allowed time for them to change. Not until an 1851 General Conference did the prophet Brigham Young propose that the Saints make a formal covenant to follow the counsel. After unanimous acceptance, the instruction became a binding commandment. Just as the Lord had compassion on the Saints, we can also grow in our compassion for and willingness to help those not yet following or struggling to follow the Word of Wisdom. The church has an addiction recovery program, and stresses that those struggling receive help through prayer, family, friends and church leaders. In addition, one can find recommendations for how to help and encourage those struggling with addiction in Preach My Gospel.

As I have developed a testimony of truth of the Word of the Wisdom spiritually, I have also been able to see its truth in my professional life. I have been researching the ill effects of tobacco and the best ways to help tobacco users quit. In addition, I perform some tobacco industry monitoring tasks in my job. I have learned how the Lord’s counsel was given “in consequence of the evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days.” (Doctrine & Covenants 89:4) He truly has “warned and forewarned” us in these latter days. You might or might not be shocked to know how invested the tobacco industry is in getting you to smoke. How these conspiring figures have knowingly pushed addiction and harm on the public, particularly the most vulnerable, the mentally ill, the poor, and the most stressed individuals throughout the world. Are you surprised to know that some tobacco companies give out free cigarettes at homeless shelters? Of the 21% of Americans who smoke, up to 70% want to quit. Only about 2-3% are successful at quitting each year. On a positive note, the rise of telephone quit lines, effective tobacco prevention and treatment strategies, and medicinal therapies are helping users quit more and more.

We should also be aware of the push for other unhealthy behaviors. The social acceptance of heavy drinking (and its expectation among youth), recreational drug use, overuse of caffeine, overeating, and poor nutrition are also evidence of the truth of the warning in the Word of Wisdom. Some suggestions to combat the latter two vices - cook at home more, trying to incorporate fresh, locally-grown fruits and vegetables into a diet as much as possible. Space out consumption of meat and make healthy substitutions in recipes where possible. These small differences can give us more vitality and thanksgiving for our food. Healthy food can taste great and often cost the same or less than processed foods. The Farmer’s Market program that our ward has started is a great example of following the Word of Wisdom!

I hope that we in the church and those around us can be strengthened when faced with temptation and trial. I testify that following the Word of Wisdom will bring many blessings to you and family, as it has to me and mine. Your world will be clearer. You can better face other challenges and be more worthy of the Spirit to help you meet them. I pray that we will not be afraid to stand up for this righteous choice and that we will grow in love, compassion, and desire to help those who are struggling with addiction.

I say these things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Shortbread and Yoga

Lemon Cornmeal Shortbread Cookies (recipe and pic from Poppytalk)

Buttery, buttery! Which is a good thing when you are pregnant, perhaps not a good thing when you are not... These sweet, tiny cookies really hit the spot. As an added benefit, I have heard that lemon eases morning sickness. Baking on Sundays makes me feel domestic. :)

2/3 c all-purpose flour
1/4 c yellow cornmeal
2 T cornstarch
1/4 t salt
1/2 c unsalted butter, softened
1/3 c confectioners sugar
1/2 t pure vanilla extract
1 T lemon juice (or add until you reach the right dough consistency)
grated lemon zest from 1 lemon
Coconut for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 350F. In a large bowl, blend together the butter and sugar until fluffy. Add in the vanilla and lemon zest and mix. In another bowl, combine the flour, cornmeal, cornstarch and salt and whisk together. Slowly add in the dry ingredients into the butter/sugar mixture and stir until just combined. Add in lemon juice until you reach the right consistency - thick but slightly moist.

Prepare your baking sheet with parchment paper, and using your hands, pinch off about a tablespoon of dough and roll into a ball (this will make your hands buttery!). Press each ball with a fork and repeat, spacing each cookie about 1 inch apart. Sprinkle with coconut and bake for 12ish minutes or until the undersides of the cookie are slightly golden (mine never turned golden, so I just guesstimated). Makes about 18 cookies.

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Yoga class finally happened for me on Saturday.

Since I found out we are expecting, I have toned down my yoga practice (i.e., no deep spinal twists, lying on stomach, and upward-facing dog is pretty relaxed). I have mostly been practicing at home with all the new videos I got for Christmas. I prefer Shiva Rea to others (see video) if you are needing any recommendations. I attempted one prenatal yoga class in Durham, and I was sorely dissapointed. I didn't sweat for the entire 1.5 hours!! Plus I was the the only person not in her late second or third trimester...embarrassing.

Yoga pre-pregnancy has always been intense - Bikram, flow, power, ashtanga, etc. I love to sweat a lot and balance in crazy ways when I practice. I love the challenge of it. I feel like "Wow, thanks body! You just did that!". It is very empowering.

Since the prenatal wasn't cutting it, I summoned my courage and went back to my beloved Carrboro Yoga Company for a Hatha class with a past teacher (not prenatal). It was great, although still not sweaty enough. As that teacher would say, I am a "pusher" in yoga practice.

Yoga completes me.