Quick updates: Baby t2 is 15 weeks along - see belly pic (second trimester). Pregnancy has been really good so far, just very hungry! We switched to a new midwife practice in our hometown Durham and will participate in a group prenatal care program I'm super-excited about. Kai at 19 months is just a doll - everything is the color blue, and he answers "yeah" or "uh huh" to all questions. He is learning to feed himself with spoon/fork, loves movies and music and forts, is a picky eater, reads and sings to himself, is getting a little feisty, and has been hugging other children and babies as much as they will allow.
To the meat of the post....
As I once again embark on motherhood with a new little soul, I've been thinking much on womanhood and the many gifts women have. I've been particularly interested in
seeking the feminine Divine and have found that as I do so in my prayer, reading, and temple worship, my love and respect for women grows (one podcast I liked linked). The recent debate over Ann Romney's choice to stay at home has given me some pause too. As a feminist, I believe one of most detrimental things we can do is have women against/criticizing other women. Women have so many gifts to offer and do so in many ways; we should reverence and enable each other - stay-at-home or working (not always a choice), with children or not (not always a choice), religious or not (not always a clear choice), lesbian or straight (not a choice), old or young, all races, all cultures (not choices). We are so much stronger and more effective as we support each other. It brings me to a quote I read recently:
An enemy is someone whose story you do not know. How true. How much power there is in narrative telling and listening to others. It will inevitably change your perspective and your life.
I wanted to offer a few thoughts on the current debate re: the choice to stay-at-home, from a somewhat unorthodox Mormon/personal frame. And noted this is not a feasible choice for a lot of women. First - a piece of my own narrative....I grew up in a Catholic, highly educated home where my father always deferred to my mother and was loving to his children. This helped me to find partners that would respect me. I grew up in a home where I was told constantly that I was smart and could have a great career. This helped me to have ambitions without limit and self-confidence. I grew up in a home where I was urged to choose my own path in dating and family. This allowed me to love without worry or expectation, which I did with a few partners. I gained many gifts from my parents and other role models around me. I decided somewhat tongue-and-cheek that I did not want to marry until
at least age 30, and I wanted to be a scientist who changed the world in some amazing way.
In my 20's, I went to college on scholarship and was consistently urged to pursue national graduate scholarships, competitive jobs, and professional graduate schools. I was given many opportunities for professional development, leadership, and service. That experience was wonderful. Tragedy hit me at age 20 and caused me to rethink my plans. Somewhere in my searching, I met Aaron and I met my current faith. Something was just different about him and this faith. I felt very quickly that I wanted to spend my life with Aaron, and we married when I was 25. After much deliberation and prayer, I joined my new faith and began to learn more about this new LDS frame of marriage, family, and women. Marriage=eternity, family=highest priority, women=mothers. It was all pretty new, some things I loved, some I didn't. With my background, I felt more balance with my Mormon faith - use my mind and excel, but also reverence my body and motherhood. I chose something in the middle, I suppose. Aaron and I had our sweet baby boy just two years into our marriage, but I went to graduate school first and continued to work part time after. We are hoping to have more children (including the one I am growing!), and my work ambitions continue to evolve. We strive for balance, pragmatism, continued learning, financial freedom, and joy in our family. Our situation is not perfect, but we have been blessed with choices and help from others.
And I believe our situation works within LDS culture, although many of my LDS friends have
chosen to be at home full-time with little ones and
some got married at a relatively young age (linked to interesting reads). I think most women wrestle with their choices either way, which is normal and part of trying to do what is best. My hope is that women do feel that they have choices and find joy is using their gifts in the environment they choose. I am uncomfortable with women not having choices (by circumstance, happens a lot around the world) or feeling as though they don't (social pressure, e.g.). Having my own children has changed me greatly in that I reverence motherhood MUCH more that I did in the past, see its connection to the feminine Divine, and I am always thinking of how I am influencing Kai or other future children as my parents influenced me. I want my children to hold dear the beautiful elements of Mormon theology, while not getting caught in the sticky culture parts. I want them to use their agency and make their own choices. I want Kai to reverence women and think of them as equals, and I want (if, if we have one!) my girl(s) to feel strong, capable, and discover her unique gifts.
There are so many other elements to think about, but I've been in awe of women, mothers, water, life, and forming strong women alliances lately! Girl power. Power to the choices of the Ann Romneys out there (Mormon stay-at-home moms). And power to choices of the Hilary Rosens (lesbian working moms). Let us remember how strong we are when we love and grow together.
Thoughts or elements from your own narrative?
