I just finished the best book I've read this year, called Breasts, by Florence Williams. It is humorous, fascinating, bothersome, and empowering all at the same time. I HIGHLY recommend it. The book takes you through the evolutionary history of mammalian breasts and the theories about the wonder of human female breasts (did you know we are the only mammal that always has rounded breasts? other mammals only swell for lactation and then flatten out). Then, Williams delves into surgery and western culture, later in pregnancy and lactation, finally into toxins in breast tissue and rising breast cancer rates. Did you know the human breast is the most environmentally sensitive organ we have? Crazy. It will pick up all those fat-loving toxins throughout our lives and store them until (and if) we dump them into our breastmilk. (After nursing Kai for 13 months, my body has gotten rid of about 90% of toxins stored there.) The author - also a mother- is an environmental journalist, and I really enjoyed her perspective and research. There is so much to be gained when we learn. If you are intrigued, you should check it out - literally, Durham Co Library.
As you can see, I've been thinking about breasts. To be more exact, I have felt some anxiety about my own pending experience with nursing our new little one in a couple of month (2 months or so!). The transition was very difficult with Kai; I remember thinking at the time it might have been the hardest thing I've done EVER. The difficulty was with my barely-enough supply (not-enough supply the first month), his sleepiness, and his tongue tie, going back to work, and the incredible pain of it all. As a mother, of course, we hold all of these things in guilt-ridden-its-my-fault sort of way. After all, breastfeeding is natural, it should be easy right? In Kai's case, I was very lucky in that I had a great support system, I had the knowledge and resources, and I decided to trust in my body. So, around 1.5 months we weaned him off of his supplemental formula and moved into exclusive breastfeeding. Even though we were successful for 13 months, I was scarred and never got rid of the thoughts that my child
might not be getting enough nourishment from my body. Especially talking to friends that had opposite issues like oversupply (oh, what I wouldn't give!) or that really loved breastfeeding. And, I'm pretty sure at this point I was also dealing a minor version of postpartum depression, likely very related to those experiences. I've learned that breastfeeding and nourishing one's child is incredibly emotional, it is tied to a lot more than we realize, especially when it doesn't go well.
In preparation of baby boy 2, I've been trying to repeat some positive affirmation about birth and breastfeeding. I've got a new Penny Simpkins book about nursing. Aaron keeps telling me the more anxiety I have, the more that will get in the way. Ugh, I know I know. But how I can help it? I've had a handful of like-minded and prepared friends who have been through similar experiences, and their stories sometimes differ from mine. Truthfully, those similarities make me even more anxious. I just wish breastfeeding fell into place for everyone that wanted it to (and I think for most women it does)! And, even in our case, it did fall into place...and yet, I guess I'm just not over the traumatic first part. Any advice before the storm comes?
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