Spare the Meat!

One of my favorite blogs: http://www.wordofwisdomliving.com/home/meat-sparingly.html

"For our use, we aim to get two-thirds of our protein from plants and just one-third from animal sources...This is equivalent to three servings of meat (excluding two servings of fish) weekly, though we spread it around. Research reported in The China Study suggests this is a healthy level—Americans are reported to eat four times this amount."

We all know American eat way too much meat. (So do Brazilians, accordingly to Aaron.) Direct benefits from cutting down your meat intake to a recommended amount - more $$$; less risk of heart disease, stroke, and cancer; decrease environment pollution; and decrease demand which creates less pressure on meat industry to use unethical and unsustainable practices. Don't misunderstand - I love meat and fish, but also try to make it is a special part of our cooking (compared to a go-to). Our home cooks meat apprx. 1-2/week and fish once a week. We do something vegetarian for our breakfast and other dinners. Lunch is always a toss up based on what we have at home or what we buy at work. Usually no more than two servings of dairy per day. We are moving into local meats, fish, and produce slowly - one of our big health goals for this year. (Just watch Food, Inc. - it'll rock your world.) Not perfect, but always striving to do better.

What are your goals for improving nutrition?

BT2 is Coming!

Announcement: Baby Towers the 2nd (lovingly abbreviated BT2 or T2) is on the way. Expected arrival date, October 7. Expected belly bump and discomfort date, already here!

Someone Worth Dying For

Needed this tonight:

You can't listen and not be inspired!

Just when I thought I couldn't like bread more...

...I made these puppies.

Whole Wheat Garlic Knots

photo c/o Joy the Baker

Big Gulp of Mortality

A dear friend of mine from college was just diagnosed with leukemia, a cancer of the bone marrow. He was told if he did not treat it, he would not survive beyond 6 months. If he did, his 5-year survival rate is 70-80%. Hearing about his cancer really shocked me - he is an avid athlete, a physician, and an all-around great guy...plus this type of cancer is not very common in folks his age. If anyone can lick this, he can. I was able to spend a bit of time with him at the hospital today, as he is receiving chemotherapy as an inpatient for a few weeks. The whole experience has made me think a lot.

What were his reactions when he found out? Faced with an uncertain future, is he scared? Does he look at his life thus far with pride, satisfaction, and happiness? Did he think of not getting treated? Did he have premonitions about it? Does he believe in God?

This guy was one of my first friends in NC, the first guy I dated at NC State, the first person to visit me in the hospital after the wreck. We've lost touch since college, but it was great/nostalgic/comforting to see him again. I've been thinking about the best thing to do or say. What would I want if I was in his place? My first thoughts were wanting to resorb all the great moments my life to buoy me up. Slowing down to self-love and work on healing. Developing a personal meditation practice to help me integrate all that is incoming and stressing. Surrounding myself with loved ones. Writing down all my thoughts, poems, blog posts, etc. Praying a lot.

The whole thing is scary. And I'm on the outside, not the inside. I can't seem to shake these thoughts, this acute awareness of mortality.

Spousimony

{Inspired by this post/story}

I know my love and marriage is true and wonderful. Aaron is just a great guy. Really. Here a few bragging points:



• He makes Mother's Day special every year (starting when we were dating!)
• He proposed so sweetly for our civil marriage and got on one knee again to ask me to be sealed to him
• He is the best father EVER, and he loves taking care of Kai when I'm running around at night
• He supports me in all my crazy ideas and endeavours. Example - he is teaching a partner yoga workshop with me next weekend!
• He's taken care of me twice with a nasty stomach virus without complaint
• He's open-minded and loving to everyone
• His mind is amazing!
• He returns calls, texts, and emails as soon as he can
• He is like an 11 on the hotness scale
• He is humble, wants to do the right thing, and has great faith in the Savior
• He shares the chores, often doing a majority of them
• He's a little hipster, little West Coast, pretty manly, really cool Mormon



Sending Aaron all my love. Mwah!

Love Bug

K in his Valentine's attire (heart glasses and suave zipper sweater), ready to hand out his Valentines (wedding bubbles with a card - here's the inspiration).

Evolution

My last post was pretty heavy, at least in my estimation. I think I started this blog in the attempt to track Baby T (now Kai!) 's progress. I've been off of blogging for a few months since we were without internet, and I had to prioritize my work-time. As I'm coming back to itstowertime slowly, I feel the need to talk a little about some of my experiences since this summer. So, the blog evolves....so, our lives evolve.

I've come to lots of realizations in the last 6 months. The realizations came from a 3-week yoga and meditation intensive, weaning Kai off the breast, connecting with many new beautiful souls, starting to write creatively again, a high school reunion, time alone to ponder, and some great spiritual experiences mixed in all of it. And they've changed my life.

Realization #1 - I was unhappy. This was hard to swallow. Looking back on my transition and experiences becoming a mother, I might have had minor postpartum depression, what I thought was baby blues. Definitions say baby blues lasts only 2 weeks, but my feelings of desperation, unsteadiness, and frustration lasted around 6 months. This was on top of a job that I really dislike and is not helping others in the ways I want. Also on top of me trying to be something I'm not within my faith construct (see last post). More explanation - I felt as though I was stuck in a culture of silence. Silence if one dissents or is different.... because if one dissents or is different, one doesn't belong. A culture where I worried more about how modest I looked than if my heart was truly converting to the Lord a little more each day. It was easy to get caught up in the process of trying to measure righteousness, in myself and in others. Or measuring myself by some assumed standard of motherhood. It was low place in my spiritual journey.

Realization #2 - I had lost parts of myself over the last few years. Grad school sucked most of the fun/carefree-ness out of me. Then my job sucked my passion. Then the early part of motherhood sucked away my autonomy. Then some part of my faith culture sucked away my independent spirit. During all of this, I didn't really see it. I had to face this to starting finding what I lost.

Realization #3 - (these will get better, I promise!) I need movement and time to ponder. My yoga practice and my yoga intensive changed my life in SO many wonderful ways. I felt like little pieces of my soul came back...I could express myself, I could move freely, I was taking care of my body again, I was meditating as I moved, I reached deep down many of those days. I cried, I had spiritual thoughts. I felt that I had another purpose for surviving the wreck 8 years ago - I was not broken so I could help others experience THIS. Finding themselves and knowing the power within their heart. I was so grateful for life. I was so grateful to those who inspired me to pursue my passions. I let go of anger, and I let go of ill will in many places.

Realization #4 - It takes a village. I've received so much support throughout my life. As a mother, the amount, variance, and immediacy of support I needed were greater. I found out it was ok to get help. I went crazy when I didn't have it. And being a recipient of that love has made me want to keep that love going.

Realization #5 - Each person's faith journey is unique and beautiful. I found a greater appreciation for this journey towards God (or supreme reality, or love, or oneness - however one frames it) we are on. We are all unique, so how could we expect anyone's experiences to be the same? I let go of some of my self-expectations and tried to find more joy in the journey. I let go of my checklists and worked on serving more, listening more, and studying with a renewed, honest, and raw hunger.

Realization #7 - I love Mormons, and I find strength in actions that help bind ALL of us together and with the larger communities we live in. I was searching for quite awhile this past year, searching for someone, ANYONE who felt like I did as a Mormon female with some unorthodox views, questions, and conflicts. And I found them!!! YES! By following my heart's promptings, I found a few beautiful, fearless, bold Mormon communities on-line that love, question, and make all feel welcome. One that has changed my life - Mormon Stories (again, I'll devote a post to just this) - has inspired me time and time again. It's message is inclusive and values ALL Mormons perspectives (be they from believing, participating members or from ex-Mormons with their complicated and soulful stories). Through these explorations and heart-opening people, I feel so much more at peace and with a renewed love from Mormonism. A hope burns for what we can all be.

Realization #8 -I've been prepared. This means a lot of things....prepared by my loving mother and father, prepared by the Lord to serve, prepared by my trials, prepared during my education, prepared in my callings at church,...as I grow older, the more I realize everything blends together in this rich life story. The life story helps me to find purpose, talents, and the relationships in so many endeavours. Pretty freakin cool.

Realization #9 - I am not as fearful as I used to be. Causes: motherhood - 50%, teaching yoga - 50%. I am ready to meet new challenges - nothing will surprise you after being a mother! As I ask my students to constantly move out of their comfort zone to experience something transformational, I am reminded I need to do this too. I might even play team sports one day!

Realization #10 - Breaking the silence is a good thing. Silence breeds more silence. Fear breeds more fear. Unhappiness is a spiral. So, break out of it! This is still something I am striving to do. But I keep reminding myself - speak when it matters, speak when it will bring more love into the situation, speak when it is right. Don't be afraid to move forward and be transformed. Your truth is yours. God knows me and knows my heart, but sometimes others should know pieces of it too.

Phew, that was another energy zapper! I'm impressed if you made it this far. Thanks :)

Coming Out of the Closet

Got your attention right?

Three figurative closets.

Closet #1) I am a Mormon. Yep, that means I believe in miracles, I believe God speaks today, I have faith in Christ, I strongly believe in community, I believe living clean is a good thing, I try to love when it is hard to. I also love other Mormons...from all parts of the belief and practice spectrum. We really are interesting, yet weird. And I know this, from an outside perspective (being a convert) and from an inside perspective. I would much much much prefer that someone get to know me and then find out about my faith. You never know how someone will react to it, and you never know if someone will write you off without even giving you a chance. I felt strongly last year that it was time to "come out of the closet" as a Mormon at work - it's a pretty big part of my life, plus our group started a contract with the Utah Dept of Health (the polygamy jokes were coming already). My friends already knew, but how was I to even begin to breach the subject at work? Ick. So, I decided to get two artistic photos of the Washington DC temple (where Aaron and I were married eternally) and put them up on my wall. Non threatening...folks could ask if they wanted. In the last 8 months or so, I believe I've had 3 people ask me. Not super successful, but cool.

Closet #2) I'm a liberal, feminist Mormon. Is it an oxymoron? I used to think so, but it's me and it makes me happy. I get pretty passionate about social justice, social welfare programs, the right of healthcare, equal rights, etc. I used to be way more fiery about it before joining the church, and then I wasn't quite sure how to fit it into the Mormon frame. I just didn't talk about it as much, since I was learning how to fit in culturally and socially into this new Mormon world. And how on earth was I supposed to reconcile my new understanding of the goodness and beauty of the LDS people with the omnipresent political/social views that were so different than mine? Ick. Well, I started listening. With an open mind and an open heart. I figured out after breaking down a big emotional wall that if you don't agree with gay marriage, you don't have to hate gay people. I found you could disagree with social programming and yet give the shirt off your back if it was asked (sometimes when it was not). It took me awhile, but I learned to respect the conservative viewpoint, since it now had a face. And yet, I still didn't fit into it. My personal experiences, other shared experience of others, my educational background, and my heart was not there. My beliefs kept me where I stood before my conversion, and my new more faithful heart only served to reinforce the social justice and equality I so longed for.. And “coming out” is hard for me…for the same reasons. I don’t want my Mo friends to dismiss me or judge me if we differed in opinion. And all this was ok for most issues, except the real closet.

Closet #3) I'm a liberal, feminist Mormon who supports gay rights, including the right to marry under law. Ugh. Where do I start? For either audience? Gay rights, including the right to marry might end up being the most important social issue of my generation. We can all agree gay marriage will eventually be recognized under federal law. We can all agree that loving and fellowshipping our LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning) brothers and sisters is important. We can agree gay marriage is an emotional issue, and my faith community is involved in it. This issue has been really sticky for me. Prior to my conversion 4 years ago, I was a very strong gay marriage/adoption advocate. After Proposition 8 campaigning was underway, Aaron's family became involved, and our church leaders spoke out about it as a moral issue, I took even more notice. As a Mormon, I listen when counsel is given from church leaders. I pray about. I find out if those things make sense in my own heart. So, I prayed and studied and prayed and studied and talked to others and prayed.....etc etc etc. I decided just to be neutral about it, since I didn't actually have to vote on it in 2008 and nothing was bringing me peace. (Sidenote: 2012 is here, and NC will be voting on this in the election.) Then, an answer to those prayers came. My angel C (don't use full name so she is able to tell her story when she wants). C is a lesbian who I quickly connected with and became one of my truest friends. We talked a lot, and finally I came out of closets #1 and #2 simulanteously with her. A few weeks later she felt safe enough to tell me about her homosexuality and her partner. I told her "You're an answer to my prayers! And I know that sounds weird!" So, we talked a ton, about being Mormon, about being gay, about life. She inspired me to keep searching and to search harder for answers and something that would settle my heart. I found an online community of liberal and mostly unorthodox Mormons who also inspired me a great deal - Mormon Stories (will talk about in another post). I learned more about my faith's history with social issues. In the end, I am back in a place I started. C explained it best today - "Gay marriage is like yours except my parter and myself have one different characteristic than you. We like girls. That's it." And it's SO TRUE! Homosexual couples are de-legitimized and hurt every time they are not recognized like heterosexual couples are. Underneath every single argument I've heard against gay marriage is the principle that "My marriage is better than yours" and the ubiquitous feeling of homophobia that permeates this country. That might be a harsh sentence for my Mos to follow, but I've come to that conclusion after trying to look at this open-mindedly. It is so difficult to be LGBTQ in our country, why would compassionate voters not want to legally recognize someone's most important support /partner and why on earth would we want to make them feel unwelcome in our faith communities, no matter what their choices are? Another kicker for me is learning that my church (although I love them) has been on the wrong side of similar major social issues in the past (anti civil rights, anti women's liberation, and now anti gay marriage), not to mention our historical persecution related to the practice of polygamy. From what I know of peer-reviewed literature, sexual orientation of parents is not an effective or important predictor of successful child development. Last, I also think there is a hairy crossover between legal marriage and spiritual marriage. These ideally would be viewed/performed separately, as they are in many countries...a whole other discussion though!

What do you think?