Coming Out of the Closet

Got your attention right?

Three figurative closets.

Closet #1) I am a Mormon. Yep, that means I believe in miracles, I believe God speaks today, I have faith in Christ, I strongly believe in community, I believe living clean is a good thing, I try to love when it is hard to. I also love other Mormons...from all parts of the belief and practice spectrum. We really are interesting, yet weird. And I know this, from an outside perspective (being a convert) and from an inside perspective. I would much much much prefer that someone get to know me and then find out about my faith. You never know how someone will react to it, and you never know if someone will write you off without even giving you a chance. I felt strongly last year that it was time to "come out of the closet" as a Mormon at work - it's a pretty big part of my life, plus our group started a contract with the Utah Dept of Health (the polygamy jokes were coming already). My friends already knew, but how was I to even begin to breach the subject at work? Ick. So, I decided to get two artistic photos of the Washington DC temple (where Aaron and I were married eternally) and put them up on my wall. Non threatening...folks could ask if they wanted. In the last 8 months or so, I believe I've had 3 people ask me. Not super successful, but cool.

Closet #2) I'm a liberal, feminist Mormon. Is it an oxymoron? I used to think so, but it's me and it makes me happy. I get pretty passionate about social justice, social welfare programs, the right of healthcare, equal rights, etc. I used to be way more fiery about it before joining the church, and then I wasn't quite sure how to fit it into the Mormon frame. I just didn't talk about it as much, since I was learning how to fit in culturally and socially into this new Mormon world. And how on earth was I supposed to reconcile my new understanding of the goodness and beauty of the LDS people with the omnipresent political/social views that were so different than mine? Ick. Well, I started listening. With an open mind and an open heart. I figured out after breaking down a big emotional wall that if you don't agree with gay marriage, you don't have to hate gay people. I found you could disagree with social programming and yet give the shirt off your back if it was asked (sometimes when it was not). It took me awhile, but I learned to respect the conservative viewpoint, since it now had a face. And yet, I still didn't fit into it. My personal experiences, other shared experience of others, my educational background, and my heart was not there. My beliefs kept me where I stood before my conversion, and my new more faithful heart only served to reinforce the social justice and equality I so longed for.. And “coming out” is hard for me…for the same reasons. I don’t want my Mo friends to dismiss me or judge me if we differed in opinion. And all this was ok for most issues, except the real closet.

Closet #3) I'm a liberal, feminist Mormon who supports gay rights, including the right to marry under law. Ugh. Where do I start? For either audience? Gay rights, including the right to marry might end up being the most important social issue of my generation. We can all agree gay marriage will eventually be recognized under federal law. We can all agree that loving and fellowshipping our LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning) brothers and sisters is important. We can agree gay marriage is an emotional issue, and my faith community is involved in it. This issue has been really sticky for me. Prior to my conversion 4 years ago, I was a very strong gay marriage/adoption advocate. After Proposition 8 campaigning was underway, Aaron's family became involved, and our church leaders spoke out about it as a moral issue, I took even more notice. As a Mormon, I listen when counsel is given from church leaders. I pray about. I find out if those things make sense in my own heart. So, I prayed and studied and prayed and studied and talked to others and prayed.....etc etc etc. I decided just to be neutral about it, since I didn't actually have to vote on it in 2008 and nothing was bringing me peace. (Sidenote: 2012 is here, and NC will be voting on this in the election.) Then, an answer to those prayers came. My angel C (don't use full name so she is able to tell her story when she wants). C is a lesbian who I quickly connected with and became one of my truest friends. We talked a lot, and finally I came out of closets #1 and #2 simulanteously with her. A few weeks later she felt safe enough to tell me about her homosexuality and her partner. I told her "You're an answer to my prayers! And I know that sounds weird!" So, we talked a ton, about being Mormon, about being gay, about life. She inspired me to keep searching and to search harder for answers and something that would settle my heart. I found an online community of liberal and mostly unorthodox Mormons who also inspired me a great deal - Mormon Stories (will talk about in another post). I learned more about my faith's history with social issues. In the end, I am back in a place I started. C explained it best today - "Gay marriage is like yours except my parter and myself have one different characteristic than you. We like girls. That's it." And it's SO TRUE! Homosexual couples are de-legitimized and hurt every time they are not recognized like heterosexual couples are. Underneath every single argument I've heard against gay marriage is the principle that "My marriage is better than yours" and the ubiquitous feeling of homophobia that permeates this country. That might be a harsh sentence for my Mos to follow, but I've come to that conclusion after trying to look at this open-mindedly. It is so difficult to be LGBTQ in our country, why would compassionate voters not want to legally recognize someone's most important support /partner and why on earth would we want to make them feel unwelcome in our faith communities, no matter what their choices are? Another kicker for me is learning that my church (although I love them) has been on the wrong side of similar major social issues in the past (anti civil rights, anti women's liberation, and now anti gay marriage), not to mention our historical persecution related to the practice of polygamy. From what I know of peer-reviewed literature, sexual orientation of parents is not an effective or important predictor of successful child development. Last, I also think there is a hairy crossover between legal marriage and spiritual marriage. These ideally would be viewed/performed separately, as they are in many countries...a whole other discussion though!

What do you think?

Four-Month Catch-Up

I have this issue with blogging- I want the posts journaling our lives to have nice pictures and pretty writing. So, I wait until these things magically happen...which they don't....then I realize I've forgotten everything weeks/months later. Hence, no updates for awhile. Before I get any further down this road, here is the catch-up post.

Kai at Bryce Canyon



MARCH
•Aaron started spring softball, and I started Zumba
•Wedding showers and birthday parties :)
•Aaron helped organize a Multicultural night at our ward with about 15 countries represented by natives or folks who served a mission there. Note: Aaron roped me into making a Mississippi booth (apparantly the equivalenet of a different country. At least I dowloaded lots of Blues music for us!)
•Aaron, Kai and I take a trip to Asheville - Aaron has a week-long epigenetics conference (hence, more scary things learned about the possible effects of Kai's environmental exposures to everything). I take yoga classes from Asheville Yoga Center and explore. It was our first time back since our wedding; we stayed at the hotel where part of our wedding party lodged! Lovely Asheville, maybe we'll live there one day...

APRIL
•Kai started crawling!
•General Conference meant lots of inspiration and sitting over the weekend.
•Farewell parties for friends and catching up with others visiting town :)
•I joined the ward Book Club and loved the first one - Moloka'i. Sadly, I realize this is the first time I've read for fun in years.
•Easter rocked: "Last Supper" dinner (fish, grapes, dates, and something green), read the Bible as a family, huge spread on Easter Sunday, watched inspirational videos, dyed eggs, and had an Easter Egg Hunt with Kai.

MAY
•Aaron, Kai, and I took a second trip to Asheville for Aaron's grad school retreat. More exploring/hiking with Kaiboy. We also won a costume contest for best superhero -we were all "supermen" with capes and the crested shirts.
•We spent Memorial Day weekend in Wilmington with my folks. The beach was beautiful, the traffic horrendous, the rented home artistic, the off-shore fishing fun (and a bit stomach-turning for me), the yoga studio and natural foods store awesome.
•Wedding guests! :)
•Mother's Day was pretty sweet. Aaron got me flowers and planted/cleaned our garden. We had a delicious spread at Mom and Dad's house and a small gift exchange.

JUNE
•Kai learned how to clap his hands! He is crawling up the stairs, and he is communicating through in series' of expressive grunts. Kai has become more social and started to smile/flirt/talk to strangers. He's finally getting over his aversion to men!
•Father's Day came with a homemade breakfast, dinner, and scanvenger hunt around Southwest Durham for presents. Aaron and Dad also went on four fly fishing lessons this month - my ploy to start them on a new healthy outdoor hobby! :)
•Rob (my oldest brother) came for a quick visit, lots of food, and Music in the Gardens.
•We vacationed for two weeks in Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, and Duck Creek Village, UT. It was one of my favorite vacations ever - especially with our great company (Towers family reunion and DC friend reunion) and lots of outdoor adventures (hiking, golfing, paintball, horseback riding, swimming, stargazing). We even got to hike the strip in Vegas a bit. Just got back yesterday and work is dragging after all the fun!



Zion Park from Angel's Landing

Grandparents' Shoot with KaiBoy

My parents requested another photoshoot for Kai's 9-month milestone with our brilliant photo-savy friend Sarah. We agreed, on the condition that the shoot include Kai with them. Aaron showed up during the last 10 minutes for a few photos. What do you think? Doesn't Mom look beautiful in that third one?

Coconut Milk Ice Cream

I was inspired by this post at the Mother Huddle blog. (The photo is hers too.) This dessert was so beautiful and had dairy-free potential. For those of you who don't know, I went dairy-free a couple of months ago in attempts to figure out the cause of Kai's hives and excema. ANYWAY- the coconut ice cream was awesome. We used this recipe for the ice cream, and then topped with fruits and piled everthing in the cinnamon-sugar tortilla bowls. Simple and delicious summer treat!

Wah-Pow!

I follow a few religious blogs, non-Mo and Mo. On Faith, a blog on religion hosted by the Washington Post, periodically has guest posts from Michael Otterson, who is the head of public affairs for the LDS church. Check out his response to an evangelist's concerns about voting a Mormon into the presidential office.Otterson's article is not an endorsement of Mitt Romney, neither is this post. Simply a reasonable response to attempts to enforce a religious test on those running for public office. Check out this gem:

"What it seems you would like me and six million other Mormons in the U.S. to do is concede a fundamental right granted to all Americans because we don’t fit within your definition of what is theologically acceptable. Fortunately, that’s not what the Constitution says, and it’s not what America teaches. I should hope that I can sit one of my grandchildren on my knee and tell them that in our religiously diverse society they are as good as anyone else, and that they will be judged by the fruits of their lives and not by discriminatory interpretations of their faith."