The Boys and the Mama

So, some changes have been happening in Towertime-land:

• WARNING:  PREGNANCY COMPLAINTS! I'm now 26 weeks pregnant and feeling very much so.  This pregnancy has taken a different turn than the last one (a breeze) - I've had lots of Braxton-Hicks, much more back pain, and have dealt with a sacro-iliac joint out of line (meaning walking was hard to do).  I took a little leap of faith and went to a chiropractor last week, helped some but not tremendously.   I'm trying to manage this with some yoga too.  Although its not a great idea right now, I went running yesterday and had Braxton-Hicks the whole time - one sustained for about 10 minutes.  I'm taking this as a sign running is over for me and baby until postpartum.  The whole situation has been pretty frustrating.  I'm trying to prevent/help some of the baby image issues I dealt with after Kai was born, and exercise is one way that my mind and body stay healthy. 
• Baby Boy!  Yes, we are having another one.  We decided to find out gender at our ultrasound, just to try something new.  As soon as we found out, Aaron could tell I was slightly disappointed and we both thought it would have been better to wait until the birth again.  So, although I'm a bit bummed that I'm not having a girl, I am simultaneously excited to have a boy.  Does that make sense?   I know Kai and little guy will have lots of fun growing up together.  Kai has taken to my belly, sometimes even giving baby boy kisses.  
• Language Explosion. Kai is in one, and that has been very rewarding to watch.  He loves his animals and trucks especially, but is repeating most simple words we say now.  He has started learning some of his letters, thanks mostly to my parents - loves M, O, S, A, and T the best.  He is constantly pointing to words on objects and in books, asking each letter by saying "ABCs?" So cute, seriously. I just need to record hours of his sweet little voice. 
• Comings and Goings.  Summertime crazy trips...I love the summer...We had a great time this year with baby showers, weddings, a beach trip, girls camp, etc. Kai has been generally very content travelling (at least as good as most adults would be).  We've been loving the outdoors, the heat, the pools, and the exploring together.  
• TIP.  Aaron was once again the most handsome teacher for the Duke Talent Identification Program - a learning camp for teens. Apparently his students thought he was 24...Nice. This genetics teaching opportunity also gave us free meals for two weeks - sweet! 
• Birth Prep.  I've started working on my Lamaze teaching certification by shadowing two childbirth preparation classes.  Bonus I'm also pregnant - it's a nice refresher.  I'll be taking a course in August and then starting teaching, before I take a certification exam next year.  More to come on this later.  On a personal level, this pregnancy and impending birth/motherhood experience has gotten me much more interested in the spiritual and supportive side of birth. Lots of good reads and another mommies support group too! 

Spanglish Inspiration on Mothers

Happy Mother's Day (a day late)!  We had a pretty typical Sunday at the Towers house - church meetings and fellowship, rushed lunch while K slept, popped in Spanglish and a podcast while we did chores, and headed to my parents' home for a dinner and conversation.  Aaron, Kai, and my parents gave some sweet presents and we listened to a beautiful talk about motherhood I thought my mom would enjoy immensely.  The 14-minute talk emphasizes that in spite of mothers' and children's many imperfections, unconditional love trumps all.  This unconditional mother's love teaches us how to love ourselves, how to become better, and how to expect and give love as we grow older.  She also talks about the evolving nature of her mother, which is a great example to her of honesty and beauty.

Spanglish is one of my favorites, and I thought it fitting for Mother's Day since Flor's (the main character) dilemmas and triumphs as a mother are the crux of the story.  The movie brought back two thought-provoking quotes:  

1) Speaking to Flor about Flor's unrequited love, an irresponsible grandmother says, "I lived my life for myself.  You lived your life for your daughter.  Neither one works." 

2) Flor's daughter speaking about the contrast between her wise Hispanic mother and the anxiety, overexercised American mother: "American women, I believe actually feel the same as Hispanic women about weight: a desire for the comfort of fullness. And when that desire is suppressed for style and deprivation allowed to rule dieting, exercising American women become afraid of everything associated with being curvaceous...such as wantonness, lustfulness, sex, food, motherhood...all that is best in life."

For the first, the character here is pointing out that because she lived her life in a selfish way, her children and her relationships suffered.  In Flor's situation, she suffers because she puts her child's needs above her own.  In this case, she is decides against pursuing a relationship with a man she loves.  As a viewer, you see Flor as the heroine, the stoic mother who sacrifices greatly for her child, and the American women in the movie as selfish, overcome with greed and outward appearances....It is an interesting and stark contrast.   I think this quote is something to reflect on.  The pull between self-love and sacrifice for love of you family is real.  As a woman with goals and desires and a mother with goals and desires for her children, it is a constant balancing process. Aaron and I agreed before we got married that we would give 100% of ourselves to our marriage and family.  After 4 years of marriage, I don't know if that has happened every day, but we strive to put the family first.  As I sacrifice, Aaron too sacrifices. (Kai just gets a free ride right now! :) )  The sacrifices we make are worth it, as they show our unconditional love.  I hope that in other families, as in ours, the sacrifice is reciprocated and appreciated when possible.  In response to the last part of this quote...neither works...well, life is life.  It is never perfect.  As we have competing desires and endeavors, we choose the better part, in our view. We hopefully choose that which will engender the most love, safety, and peace.  I have really wonderful examples of mothers who have chosen to sacrifice and who have engendered love whenever they can - my own mother, Aaron's mother, my sister-in-laws, my friends, and so many more.  I am grateful for this.

For the second quote, it embodies some of my thoughts lately.  Not necessarily about Americans v.s other cultures, but just about women generally. Women are just SO amazing!  We have so many gifts and beauties, and yet..... we are often self-defeating in our words and actions.  Especially about our looks or capabilities.  I am turning 30 this October (yikes), and I find sadness in knowing that my body is changing,  Although all other aspects of my life are pretty great, I just can't seem to rid myself of that mourning for my youth.   Perhaps it is because society (and therefore we) reduces women to their looks or reproductive capabilities frequently.  Although a woman's youth and her childbearing are some of the main developments in her life, they are,by a long shot, not all of her life.  We (and I) want to keep our youth so much that sometimes we forget to enjoy the good things in life...as in the quote.  Hmmm, so many thoughts here....On the other hand, I do have great examples of ways to slow down and enjoy.   Yoga and meditation, bonding with/supporting other women, embracing birth and pregnancy, celebrating the body, taking time to write down my thoughts, learning about our Heavenly Mother, listening to the life stories of women I know, etc.  And I know some women who really excel at enjoying life and their bodies!  I am grateful for all of this.

Mother's Day is a day that is really treasured.  A time to think and reflect on the mothers in our life and our own potential as women.  And just to receive the celebration!   How was your day and what are your thoughts?

French Toast and Pancakes

Been loving these two easy recipes lately!  Highly recommend. I think Aaron fell in love with me again for the first.  Kai has been chowing the second.

Stuffed French Toast

• 1 loaf French Bread
• 3 Tablespoons Any Flavor Fruit Jelly, Jam, Or Fresh Fruit
• ½ packages Cream Cheese (4 Oz), At Room Temperature
• 2 whole Eggs
• 1 Tablespoon Cinnamon
• ½ cups Skim Milk
• 2 Tablespoons Butter

Heat skillet or electric griddle to 325 to 350 degrees. Cut french bread into 2-3 inch wide slices. Then, with a paring knife, go back and cut halfway into each slice, in the center, creating a ‘pocket’ that your fruit mixture can be stuffed into.In a bowl, place the room temperature cream cheese and three tablespoons of fruit spread of your choice. (I used all organic blueberry spread in the picture.) Combine well. In a separate bowl, break 2 eggs; add cinnamon and milk and combine well. Now, take fruit mixture and stuff into the ‘pockets’ of your french bread slices. Place on a baking sheet. When done stuffing each piece of bread, completely coat each piece in egg mixture. Make sure all sides are covered. Do all pieces before starting to fry. Put 2 tbsp (you can use less!) of butter into a hot skillet and melt completely. Add all of the bread to the skillet and cook roughly about 3-6 minutes on each side, until it reaches a nice golden brown. You want to make sure the cream cheese mixture heats through. When done cooking, serve immediately with butter and syrup.

Zucchini Pancakes

·         4 cups shredded zucchini (or a combination of shredded zucchini and shredded yellow squash)

·         1 tsp. kosher salt, divided

·         2 large eggs, lightly beaten

·         1/3 cup breadcrumbs (you may need more than this to get a good consistency)

·         1/2 tsp. baking powder

·         1 or 2 cloves garlic, minced

·         a few dashes of Tabasco

·         1/4 cup onions, finely diced and grilled

·         2 Tbsp. plus 2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil

Place zucchini and 1/2 tsp. kosher salt in a colander. Drain for ten minutes, pressing down with paper towels to push out all the excess water.  You can also place shredded zucchini in a very clean dish towel to squeeze out excess water after it has sit with the salt for 10 minutes.

Whisk the remaining 1/2 tsp. salt, Tabasco, and eggs together in a large mixing bowl. Add the breadcrumbs, baking powder, garlic, onions and zucchini. Mix until all the ingredients are well-combined.

Place the olive oil in a large nonstick frying pan and heat over medium-high heat. When the pan is hot, drop the zucchini mixture by rounded tablespoons. Flatten gently with a fork. Cook 2 minutes or until golden brown around the edges. Flip and cook another two minutes. Remove to a plate and cover with foil to keep warm. Serve immediately.  Great with cheddar and salsa or sour cream. MMMM!

One Plea for Understanding

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them” ― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island.

I heard this quote today, and I thought it fit in beautifully with this topic I've been mulling over for a few weeks. I hope this isn't preachy or anything, it's just been begging to be let out of me... I'll open some thoughts with an illustration from a Sunday School lesson this past Sunday. We were talking about the requirements for salvation - specifically the process of repentance, the need for faith, and the need to succor to those in need (see Mosiah 4:8-27). There was a tangential discussion about the last point - taking care of those in need. Someone asked about a specific example - "What are we to do when we encounter a person begging for money on the street?" Differing opinions rose, from "We are required to impart of our substance..." to "I just give food in that situation..." to "I know that many beggars are not what they say they are, so I give in other ways..." This particular event happens a lot in our town Durham. Invariably, there are folks asking for money at specific traffic interchanges. They will walk near your car, the great guilt/anxiety comes over you, you choose to give or not. It is such an explicit example of this discussed principle, yet we approach it in very different ways.

 It got me thinking. Whatever your choice in those moments with that person asking for money - it is a reminder, an invitation. A reminder that there are people in our community who live in a vastly different situation than we do. Even if that particular individual you see is not really living in poverty (but I would venture to say most are), there are lots of people who are. Especially in the aftermath of economic downturn. How different would our reaction, our thoughts be if we actually knew that individual's story? What would he or she have to say? We make judgements because we have not heard those stories yet. One course of action would be to get to know the homeless population in Durham, through volunteering with the various non-profits that work with them (e.g., soup kitchens, free clinics, etc). I did a lot of this when I was in college, and I did get to know a number of homeless people living in Raleigh. It definitely shaped my perspective. Of course, it is wonderful to give to those in need, but how great the gift of your time and listening ear. These thoughts made me once again feel immense guilt at my own non-family-related endeavors after graduate school (job that isn't helping in the ways I want, less community volunteering, etc). There is just so much good to be done that I'm not yet doing!

 Last, another faith-related thought. I had a friend come over to talk with me last night, and she wanted to share some thoughts about the atonement. We spoke particularly of Christ's taking upon him all of our pains, weaknesses, and experiences in that event. One of the comforting messages we get from this doctrine is that Christ personally knows us, even each pain and heartache, when no one else truly can. This can empower us and help us to change. So, I was thinking, again... This process of getting to know others, especially through the power of personal narratives, in some ways is similar. We are learning the joys and pains of others - thus giving us understanding and empathy, replacing judgement. Moments of reaching more understanding for someone else have greatly, greatly moved me and forever changed me. This is true in literature, poetry, narratives, conversations, pictures, etc. It reinforces that quote from my last post "An enemy is someone whose story we do not know." Yes, yes, yes! We become better (and more Christ-like) as we take time to understand others, especially those that are different that us. This is something I try to do in most of my decisions - in moments of contemplating the {seeming} inconvenience of service, in the discomfort of walking into a new situation/relationship, spending time with loved ones, making plans to travel, in the wake of voting on issues that impact so many. How can we judge when the window is there to better understand? How much better our community and world as we learn from each other, and truly listen to stories.

 What do you think?

Kicker!

Felt T2 moving a good deal, starting last week (at 16 weeks). First movement was 13.5 weeks, but I didn't feel much until 16 weeks again. Aaron got to feel his first kick the other night! Other baby news - obsessed with finding a perfect baby name again. We checked out a couple of name books from the library and are delving in. I'm starting my prenatal care Centering program with Women's Health Alliance this Thursday - it's a group care program with 10 expecting moms/partners. There is the usual checks (belly circumference, heartbeat, etc - which you do some of yourself), and then education and discussion for an hour afterwards. It's like a free childbirth education class - which is always so wonderful for the parents and the community. I'm so excited! The joys of group care: "In initial studies reported by Rising in the spring 2006 issue of the Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic and Neonatal Nursing, women who participated in group prenatal care in public health clinics had less occurrences of preterm labor. Additionally, more women in the centering care group delivered their babies at full-term, and their babies had higher birth weights. Women who received group care made fewer phone calls to their providers, had fewer emergency visits, and reported feeling more confident about labor and caring for their newborns."